There’s a new contender in the higher education ring, and let’s just say it’s not exactly winning any awards for academic excellence. Langston University, an HBCU (that’s Historically Black College and University for those not in the know), has proudly announced a graduation rate of a staggering 5%. Yep, you read that right—5%! That’s the kind of statistic that makes you think, “Is this a college or a really advanced game of hide-and-seek?”

Now, one might wonder if they have a monthly ceremony where students show up to collect their participation trophies instead of diplomas. I mean, at this rate, it feels like they should change the name of the place to “Continuation School” because it seems like many of the students might be continuing their journeys elsewhere, like straight out the door! They could serve pizza and play video games instead; at least that would be a productive use of time, right?

The reports indicate that 63% of the enrolled students are women. So if you’re a young man looking for a higher education (and maybe a date), Langston might just be the place for you! The only downside? Good luck graduating. Your dreams of a diploma might just drift away faster than your motivation to study after binge-watching the latest series on Netflix. And let’s be real, the retention and graduation data? It’s like those sneaky calories in your favorite snack; they just didn’t want to be tallied up for fear of judgment.

Now, some folks might cheekily suggest that the reason the graduation statistics are “not reported” is that if they included them, the numbers would be so low they’d end up getting thrown into the Bermuda Triangle of academia. Talk about accountability in education—or rather, the lackthereof! It’s like that friend who tells you they’re on a diet but keeps a stash of cookies hidden under their bed. Sure, we all love cookies, but we’re smarter than to pretend they magically disappear!

Imagine the sheer creativity it would take to keep dodging the graduation statistics. An academic version of whack-a-mole, wherems going “not reported” is their secret strategy to keep the bad numbers at bay. Meanwhile, some might argue that this isn’t just a number problem but a money problem too, hinting at some kooky schemes behind the scenes. Who thought higher education could be such a colorful mix of comedy and tragedy?

So, what’s the lesson here? If you’re considering Langston University, pack a sense of humor and maybe some extra snacks—because you might need them! While laughter is indeed the best medicine, it won’t exactly land you that degree. In the educational game of life, it seems some schools are more about the ride than the destination. And who knows, perhaps one day Langston will turn things around. Until then, the jokes may just keep rolling… much like the graduation caps seem to be.